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no, I did not change account. That would be stupid. I'll most likely never get tired with this username nor do I want a fresh start - I'll cram as much shit here as possible. 83

But that's beside the point.

WE MOVED FROM THE NASTY RAT HOLE TO A NEW APARTMENT.
With a store and a pizza place just a few minutes away, same goes for my sister's school and mom's working place. w00t.

It will take a while to get used to the new place. o__o; After living in the same spot for 13 years does make it a little difficult.

OH WELL.

Once I get an internet at home, I'll never leave. 8D Except maybe to drop by the store to get something. Lol.


On a different note...


HOW MANY OF YOU HAVE SEEN SATOSHI KON'S PAPRIKA? If you haven't, I can tell you it is awesome. One of the few films I can watch for several times without getting tired with it.
I wanna read the novel it's based on. I wonder if it's been translated. :c

/>

OMG HAI.
Needed to get that depressing journal off the way.

I really should consider getting a new journal CSS. Eww.







Sorry, no new art at the moment. SUFFER, FAGGOTS.

lol I'm always so hard on myself and never give myself any credit for the work I've done, usually just going "well, fuck, I didn't even do my best in the first place, I never do". Ghhhh. And by making fun of my own characters I also kind of make fun of myself - that isn't a bad thing, right? A healthy dose of self-irony and ability to laugh at yourself is useful to get over things like embarrassment, or insults. Not that I would get those anyways. It's vital to have some kind of a sense of humour, taking things too seriously with, say, light-hearted subject matters isn't a good thing. Then again, it depends on a person. People stress over different things.
But I digress.

I'm pretty sure people - who haven't abandoned me due to long inactivity around here - are pretty aggravated by the fact that I post more journals than deviations these days (GOLLY, back in the day it was vicey versy!). I don't draw or doodle as much as I used to, nor do I post anything for the sake of updating.
Half of my life is at the workshop, the other half is online on Tegaki and AIM, talking with people I barely even know. The rest of the time I sleep.
LOL ADDICSHUN MUCH?

Ghhh. Why is it so fun to talk with people on the internet? I barely have any RL friends who I'd spend actively time with. I'm so pathetic. 8D
My self-esteem issues aren't helping one bit. As long as I view myself as a lowly worm who no-one wants to have anything to do with, what are the odds that other people would view me as a healthy human being? Hmmm.
Hell. Considering how much time I spend online, there's barely anything to talk about with people aside from mudkips, the weather - or, alternatively, MY CHARACTERS - which no-one who isn't into fictitious characters doesn't give a SHIT about. Sigh.

Pardon the emo-ness. Wish I could go easier on myself. ;___; there's something I want to draw - aside from comics - which I've had in mind for a while now but I never have the time. Poor time management, much?

Guhh. Why do I write this kind of crap? Sometimes I'm not sure if it's to let you know that I'm not dead or just to vent a little. Maybe something between the two.


PS The bluescreening didn't stop at home after all. Now I'm too afraid to plug my laptop in at home at all, not that I ever get to use it at home since I come home so late I go straight to sleep. EVERYWHERE ELSE, IT BEHAVES WELL, no bluescreening, no nothing. I guess it's a power supply thing. Sigh.
ALSO. We're moving soon. Woohoo. Out of this nasty rat hole.

Yesterday when I used my laptop at home...

IT DIDN'T BLUESCREEN. It must've been those two nasty worms on my computer causing it in the first place... (thank goodness for finding them, Avast! lol)

I'm still sceptical though. The problem might come back, but for now, I can actually work on my laptop again. W00t.

Anyways, thanks for the advice and support, guys!





PEE ESS + EDIT

TODAY is my birthday.


ILU GUYS.

Blah, I've had this issue with my laptop for a while now.
Before it would only bluescreen at my sister's place, restarting over and over again due to a particularly nasty fatal error.
Now it does this AT HOME. Usually after several minutes after starting up and after everything has loaded in Windows.
You never know when it strikes - it's a real pain in the ass trying to work on a pic and save every damn stroke since you never know when you're going to lose all the current progress.
However, it doesn't do this in any other location, like at a net café, library or such.
Even defragging won't work. Hell, I figured if it was about the location it was plugged into so I plugged it off but soon it went to sleep mode, I plugged it back in again and BAM. Blue screen.

Blah. I can't do anything at home any longer. :c Do I really have to work on my private stuff in PUBLIC places? X___x Or maybe it's a sign I should try to do traditional stuff for a change? Go figure.

I wish I knew what was going on.

Sigh, with that aside... today I downloaded a veeeery entertaining opensource game called Armagetron Advanced! I'm pretty sure some Tron fans know this, right?

LIGHT CYCLES WOOOOO. It's awesome way down to the sound effects. <3 Wish I got the internet gameplay to work :I even if playing against AI players is entertaining... IF THEY WEREN'T TOO DAMN HARDCOAR. Curse you Master Control!

... my birthday's next Thursday on the 15th day.
Just a heads up. 8D

ARROOOOOOO. We went to the amusement park (i.e. Linnanmäki/Borgbacken) with the whole family, including my other weeaboo little sister's friend. Yay.

I ACTUALLY ENJOYED THE ROLLERCOASTER. PLENTY OF THEM. Pity of thankfully the rides are so short that you just want to do it again. Or something.

WAFFLES AND FRIES WITH SMALL STRIPS OF SAUSAGES SOAKED IN FAT wow. The waffles were awesome albeit pricey.


But that's beside the point.



At least I didn't sleep home all day. GO ME.

<wangsty journal entry, read at your own risk>


BLAH. Why do I keep on focusing in my stupid characters with zero depth and neglect those with well-structured personalities (AS IF)...?
MAYBE IT'S A DESIGN THING?! With bright colour palettes and wispy hair and whatnot?

Hell. Once again, I realised that my character designs ARE SO FUCKING BORING and unappealing. Or, in my retardedness, I think that this is so but may not be to someone else. Dunno.
The main reason I post my original works here is to test them if people like them.
And I'm glad there are people who do.

ADFSDFGSDGFSAFA I really should work on those fucking comics. BUT THE THRESHOLD. And the lack of time because I waste my time on a fucking addictive internet community. LOLOLOLOLOL.

Like the world WOULD miss anything that's been seen a hundred times before, albeit with nice artsy art that could've needed a few more hours to work on to look GREAT and not just slapped together lazily.
Yes. I'm actually aware that I have skills. I hope to no longer whine "baww I suck at drawing bawwww" so that I don't annoy people. There.

So what if there are people who have talent. It's how they use their talent.

What am I doing with mine?

...

Yeah. I know.

I'm so sincerely sorry about that.

</wangst>

Phew. Needed to vent a little.
Update for sake of updating.
I really should try to post shit soon. Unless I'm not wasting that time too.
Maybe on Friday since I'll spend my Thursday - goddamn fucking Mayday - home, I'd hate to wade amongst drunkards.

Sup yo. This week - or was it last week - I scanned some CRAPPY SHIT from the last month and what I've done recently... And I've actually done something decent aside from hanging around in Tegaki.

It stole my soul, seriously. Not that I mind, at least I'm still drawing. Right? RIGHT?!
Beats being hooked onto MSN doodling probably. However, what I don't understand people who spend several hours on a limited Flash applet. :/ They could as well do that masterpiece of theirs in a more advanced software... Of course, working with limited tools is some practice in itself.


Anywizzle... I'll try to update my message centre at some point too, check my devWatch (which I actually do quite often) and whatnot... Blah. I feel bad for neglecting you dA peeps.
If you have something to urgent to say to me, send me notes or something. Clearing up over 1220 messages ... blah. I hate it when socialising becomes a duty and checking for notifications seems like tough work... BUT I'll promise you I'll check them eventually... They've piled up so bad.

I'll edit and post the scanned shit at some point, maybe this weekend if you are particularly unlucky. Be warned.

Updating for the sake of updating.

Been busy with workshop shite, we're making glasswork nao.

HOW I HATE IT.

Spoony out.


ONGOING TRADES



LOLMUDKIPS.

... and I have an external hard drive and a 2 GB memory stick, sooo... I managed to back up the most important crap as I completely re-installed Windows.


Now... I have a problem. Even though I saved my photoshop files, the Photoshop won't work on my laptop any longer... So. Tough luck.
I can't do any of that usual stuff I did any longer.

Another sad thing is that the WLAN card apparently didn't get properly installed. Sigh. No wireless internet for me.

ILLEGAL PHOTOSHOP FTL.

I'll prolly just use OpenCanvas 1.1 from now on.

EDIT EDIT EDIT EDIT EDIT EDIT EDIT EDIT EDIT EDIT EDIT EDIT EDIT EDIT EDIT EDIT EDIT EDIT EDIT EDITEDIT EDIT EDIT EDIT EDIT EDIT EDIT EDIT EDIT EDIT EDIT EDIT

HAY GUESS WHAT GUISE

Now my computer has two operating systems, the one I freshly installed and the old one that's still remaining. :C

All the old stuff I thought I lost works perfectly fine, including audio and WLAN.

LOL I FAIL

My laptop refused to turn on yesterday when I was dropping by my sister's place. It would repeat the same sequence over, with blue screen and so forth.

Hope my sister's boyfriend figures out what the problem is...

BUT.
For the time being, no digital arts for you.
Blah.

When I got my sleeping cycle back to normal, I haven't had any time to do decent art with my laptop, which is a shame. D: I think I'll have to try to do the remaining trades and whatnot on weekends.

Oh, and I started at the arts and crafts workshop today. So far it's been nice, and I immediately got some ideas of what to do out of papier maché, such as cats hanging their paws and tails over the edges of shelves/tables. And chatted with people, breaking the ice and stuff.

So yeah. Nothing further to report at the moment. :/


...........plugging contests held by friends

Join *NightmareHound's "What Time Is It?" contest and win a Mystery Box! Further details available in this informative journal.


~BackwardsButterfly is holding a creature-designing contest!
All the details are in this journal entry.

lol my "blog" [link]

Those who don't know, it's basically about drawing your own blog entries - and comments, too!
It's loads of fun. 8DDD

JOIN IT TOO, it's easy

You'll love it >:3


Additional lols: [link]


++++++

Oh lol! Vassily has a girlfriend on Tegaki lololol.


ALLLLSO

~BackwardsButterfly is holding a creature-designing contest!
All the details are in this journal entry.

...And back, too. A little.

C'MON, IT'S JUST HAIR.
And even though it's February... it's been fairly warm so far.
Since we haev no beard razors, I was forced to use my scissors and a Gillette Venus ladyshave, hurr.

This is my last free week. ;___; I better normalise my sleeping cycle so that I don't need to suffer from the concequences later on ... blah.

I also borrowed Sgt. Frog manga from the library. Just to see how it's like. So far it's been rather "meh" ... And I accidentally borrowed the volume 10 instead of 2 (Ten =/= Two, lol). Ah well.

I feel a bit better now, what with lacking some hair on my head (including my eyebrows).
IT HELPED.

Sigh. The Library 10 multimedia computers equipped with scanners moved to some "treffepunkt" place in Lasipalatsi now. FUCK YOU LIBRARY 10, FUCK YOU.

I wanted to scan some new stuff ;___; (mostly with Ingrid and her new friends... and enemies) but ... sigh. Those will have to wait it seems.

*headdesks*

Looong tiiiime noooo seee. And as you can see, I made new a new header and footer drawings. I'm particularly fond of the footer, despite its huge size. At least Ayumu and Susumu don't look like GSK ripoffs in it.

Warning: WHINEY TL;DR JOURNAL ENTRY AHEAD

Now ... Keen-eyed observers and those who know me more closely have probably already noticed that I have little to no confidence in my art, and a very low self-esteem on top of that. Sometimes I wonder why. It could be because I continuously compare myself with other artists, most of the time those who are more talented than me. I mean ... I look up to great artists and aspire to become as good as, no, better than them, but most of the time after I've spent time of working on a piece I'm relatively confident with (i.e. the idea did not die in the very beginning), have completed it, and look at it for a while - (inspect the flaws, mostly) and finally when I post it online, I realise how bad it actually is. I got lulled into the so-called "greatness" in my little microcosmos and when I throw my artwork into the guts of the World Wide Web, my ego gets scared and hides under the sofa again.
I also tend to compare myself with drama llamas and those who think they're the best thing since sliced bread. Sometimes I get an ego boost when I draw something superior to the mediocre crap their kind of "arteests" post constantly (such as Zeriara aka canklebones-bigheadie-furries-"don't-insult-my-artwork-'cos-I-don't-post-my-'SRS'-works-online" lololol)... Meh. It's kind of lame of me actually.

One of my friends said at one point that I'm a neurotic perfectionist... They're probably right. I mean ... Well, I do get upset when I can't get stuff right and when I'm done, I'm not happy with the result. I can never be completely happy with anything I do. Ever. Wherever I look in my artwork, I see flaws. Nothing but flaws. Or well, there are some nice bits and details I'm happy with, but the rest usually looks like crap. Usually when I get started, the linework or the sketches get me down already, but I keep on doing it, colouring it in, and at some point something is horribly wrong (be it pose of the character, anatomy, perspective, direction of the lighting, etc. etc. ), and I either don't notice it or just don't give a damn and keep going until it's too late, and give myself headache over it. THERE ARE NICE THINGS IN THE PICTURE, but the horrible things in it destroy them completely. At least critique brings me back to earth.
Dammit. Is it because I refuse to sketch beforehand or what? Or is it because I insist on doing what people have kindly suggested to try or just because I felt I don't do this or that nearly often enough and I should force myself to do it at least? It'd otherwise be great if I didn't feel so miserable.
If I don't feel crappy, I feel mediocre. Compared to whom? I'm not so sure either. My standards towards myself as an artist are much higher than my artistic skill - it could be a good thing but since it cripples my ability to see what is good about my artwork... Sigh. This is why I need feedback.

Another thing that keeps bothering me would be the lack of any aim - what should I do? I'm too lazy to get started with any comics I'd like to do, and I can't even think of which one of them to make. I do have several Nano stories thought up which need to be fleshed out - but the threshold is too high, the whole thing has bloated so much that it's difficult to overcome and actually start working on it. The EmEn universe also has a lot of potential but I have difficulties to come up with any stories. The Rubberduck Saga felt like a bad idea to begin with since I can't think of any continuation after the beginning. Traditional adventure comics aren't my forte, really.
I have too many characters, ideas and worlds and they branch out so that I can't focus into anything but for only a short whiles at a time ... It really drives me mad. I'd like to get some real work done but so far ... I'm struggling with all these different concepts. And in the meanwhile I'm drawing "useless" characters who are fun albeit don't have any good stories behind them to tell. Blah. If nothing else, I should try to make something that would be worthy to put into a portfolio or something.

END WHINEY JOURNAL ENTRY.
Summary: bawwwwww my art is horrible bawwwwww im so lazy bawwwwwww.
Phew, finally got that out of my system.

Now... on the brighter side, I actually did something in the outside world and visited the employment office or whatchamacallit in english. The employment lady said that I have an exciting future ahead of me, having such modern art skillz (not a direct quote)... Will still have to find those old school reports (since I can't find them at home, this means visiting old schools... HORROR).

Posting this at one of the computer class's computaaaas (in the Liminka school of arts... ~Harmaasusi's using a computer next to me ... watching some embarrassing old rock videos on YouTube, lol). I hated the stickiness of the Mac so I took a PC to use.

Also, as I see the difference between the settings of my laptop VS this computer's gamma ...

HOLYSHIT MY MOST RECENT DEVIATIONS LOOK SO BLINDINGLY BRIGHT FUCK FUCK FUCK.

Sigh. I hate my laptop.

Must fix it at once I get home.

Which is either on Saturday or Sunday.

Blah. I need some sleep.


_{Hur hur hurrrrrr}

...Until my sleeping cycle got messed up again.

siiiiigh.

Also, me and *NightmareHound will be dropping by Liminka School of Arts in February, woo. I'll get to see what I'm up against in fall X3

Hummmm...

I've also been playing Guilty Gear X... For some reason my sister insists that Faust is a pervy character, go figure. 8I (lol, the innuendo with him licking people and a hump-dance when he wins :/ ) And yet she likes someone like Testament who dresses up like a girl, and keeps calling all the other character faggy, wut?
Ah well.

Spoonyville is such a boring little town. We need some attractions here.


_{Which one's scarier - the ventriloquist or his puppet?}

Sooo... I finally watched Blade Runner. The first thing that really bowled me over was the beautifully dystopic scenery. WITH. VANGELIS'S MUSIC.

orgasm of the mind.

Anywizzle, as the film was the "Final Cut", there apparently were some major changes in the film compared to the version which was in cinemas at the time.

For instance... Harrison Ford's voiceovers which were featured in the Making Of. Imagining those during the film would've ruined the experience for me. It would've become a cheesy crime thriller, and the sci-fi elements would've probably seemed like they were glued on instead of being a vital part of the plot - well - the city WAS a very important character, regarding the overall atmosphere of the film. (not to forget Vangelis's awesome music)
Especially during Batty's monologue near the end. THUNK. Ohh, thank you Captain Obvious.

Oh, but as itself the film w